The Great Bhangra Show

                   

When the general election 2014 was announced, one of the most trusted newspapers focused a special page for the election and named it “The Dance of Democracy”. The page contains stories about the big leaders of all political parties. Now when I read newspaper, I go on this page straight away escaping the sports page which has been  my first preference on non- election days. The comments range from the biggest Bahu Smriti Irani to the most qualified bachelors duo NaRa. While one has accepted recently that he had faced the atrocity of marriage at the age of 17, the other one doesn’t want dynastic politics in India. I know you intelligent people must have figured it out which I am talking about, so I presume no further clarification. In the meanwhile I forget to mention the biggest common man. He is so common that his name coincides with 15 percent of the rural youth. Yes, Arvind is a very common name in the rural part of India. Due to him the word “common” has become the word of the year according to a report revealed by the Oxford University Press recently.

One day sitting in the library, my eyes were stuck on a beautiful girl sitting in front, but my mind was busy somewhere else. With the newspaper lying on the table, I realize that the headline “The dance of the democracy” is not suitable. It should be something like “The great Bhangra show”. Because, of all the Indian dances Bhangra is the most eventful. If we calculate the correlation coefficient between the two parameters “Bhangra” and “our political leader campaign programme”, it tends to 1.

                                  Qualitatively, it can be explained as - to perform a Bhangra you need no steps to learn, just move your leg and hands coherently with frequent jumping in between and you are doing Bhangra. Similarly our leaders move from one rally to others with helicopters funded by adanis, cursing each other and staging “Dharnas” perform their Bhangra.

But despite so much energy and enthusiasm this dance doesn’t excite me as I always leave the CSH when the Bhangra starts. Moreover I am not going to enjoy the Bhangra this year too as I have already made up my mind for “NOTA”.

         

BHARTIYA MAHILA BANK

Note- The article written is an informative satire from the writer. It is not written to insult women. The main focus is on the newly established all women bank. This article may prove helpful for the knowledge of current affair.

Women’s are so self-centered that they want everything of their own, and our government always appeases them, either through the demand of 33 % reservation in the parliament or the Rahul Baba cliché “ we want women empowerment” to answer every question of the one and only Mr. Arnab Goswami. Recently the news heard was too shocking for me. The women will have their own bank. What the crap is this? Look the women empowerment policy of Rahul Baba ,  first bank established by the act of parliament. O my god, have they established any bank earlier by the act of parliament? The answer is a big nooo….. ,because they  were not all the women bank na. what they have done was that they  nationalized the bank in 1969 and 1980. The story of the women doesn’t end here, they named the bank Bhartiya Mahila Bank, and more so over all the employees will be women. This is just the conspiracy to keep the men unemployed and pressurized them to perform the household works in place of their wives. After reading such a shocking news half way, I stopped and a thought came in my mind that though the bank is fully women, but who will govern the bank, because are the women so qualified to govern a bank? If they can’t govern their mother-in- laws , how can they govern such a monolithic institution. My all speculations were brushed aside as I read further . What?? the bank will have eight member governing bodies and all the members will be women. Now the water was reaching my throat. I could feel now that there is no scope in this country for the men. It was horrifying to think that in future my wife will move to the office and I will have to cook the food, prepare the children for school and many more. The conspiracy has already begun, 7 branches already opened in the metropolitan cities like delhi, Mumbai, Chennai… etc. The danger has also started reaching to the tier 2 cities, as a new branch will be opened in Indore very soon.

                                          Now I tried to adopt a reconcillatory approach. Now , it was the matter of survival for all men. Many of my  friends approached me sharing their grievances about the establishment of the bank. We sat together and figured an idea… because we have the ultimate brain power na… we are not the Rahul baba… we envisaged that our sisters or wives or any female relative will be employed in the bank , we can get the bank loan through them for our flase business, as the women are not very sceptic, we can easily get the loan. But , one of my friend Dabba, who never does any productive work , threw the paper towards us and told… you fool people, first read the whole news then plan. The last shock of the day kept us weeping as we read in the newspaper “ the bank can only provide loan to the women for the small and medium business”.